It’s Pulitzer season. This means a lot of collecting, organizing and assembling of stories and projects that have been created here in the previous year. (I thank my lucky stars I’m not at the head of this effort! My colleague who is in charge, handles the pressure with much more grace than I would.)
And as with many such projects, this means arts & crafts time. Sounds light, airy and whimsical doesn’t it?
Enter the villain.
Have you ever seen an office supply look so thoroughly terrifying? Were this a few centuries back I would imagine Antoine Louis and Joseph-Ignace Guillotin could learn a thing or two.
If you can imagine it, the thing sounds even more terrible than it looks. Every time you pull up the handle, it screeches like a mad chorus of a thousand abused blackboards. (Seriously, WD-40, ever heard of it?) Then you plunge the handle down, and the undeniable sound of dismemberment rings about with such finality you almost feel like apologizing to the poor paper you so ruthlessly snipped into pieces.
There are approximately 30 printouts to each contest presentation, of which each has at least one necessary trimming, multiply that by the 4 books we put together, and you’re left with no fewer than 120 such sound bites. Even in a busy office, this cacophony cannot be missed.
One fellow came by and asked if I had a license to operate such heavy machinery. I told him this was purely non-board approved, so come the revolution I shall be shot. (Or beheaded, as the case may be.)
Another warned me not to slip and cut off my arm. Good tip.
My measly excuse of an appendage wouldn’t stand a chance.
Adventures in the House of Cards 